Today’s story time is a departure from my usual far-fetched tales of fantasy and speculative fiction. This is a tragic, gritty, realistic micro-fiction that has nagged at me these past few weeks demanding to be written, and so I hope I did it justice. Thank you for taking the time to read it. I’m eager to read your reactions to this piece. Happy Sunday!\

Her grip on the toilet brush faltered and the bristles fell into the commode. She could hear her husband, Angel (an-hel), whistling in the living room, no doubt finishing the dusting before he vacuumed. Their last house of the day, but Leti didn’t have the strength to swish the final toilet. 

Instead, she placed her head on the cool, clean rim, and told herself it was okay to rest, take a tiny break.

“Leti, Leti,” Angel gently shook his wife, a heap of arms and legs on the bathroom tiles. He pressed his ear to her mouth. Warm breath hit his lobe. She was breathing; thank God she was breathing. Checking her pulse, he noticed the tub and sink were scrubbed, the fixtures wiped clean, gleaming like the grill of the Mercedes parked out front. The tip of the well-worn toilet brush barely visible above a spotless rim.

Angel whispered into his wife’s ear. “Leti, my love, wake up. Please.” They’d lose this job if they were in the house when the owners returned, these being the kind of people who preferred their hired help efficient and invisible. But Leti didn’t stir. Every day she grew weaker. She wouldn’t let on but he’d seen her energy fall off like a shelf break after a shallow. Dropped her fork at dinner last night, barely able to hold her own utensil. Now this.

They’d paid for the tests. Even taken time off; but in the cleaning business, there’s no way to stop working. Besides, the answers had been vague. Possible autoimmune. Possible long-term Covid. Possible spider bite, but nothing certain. That is, until the voicemail last week.

Leti had carried on as best she could, but cleaning was demanding. She didn’t have the stamina anymore to make it to the end of the day. How would he tell her what the doctor’s message said? 

Angel fanned Leti’s face. He couldn’t do this without her. Any of it. Leti was all.

Finally, her eyelids fluttered. Overjoyed, Angel scattered kisses across her face and neck.

“I was there, Angel. I saw it.”

“Saw what, Leti?”

As if awakening from a spell, she picked up where she left off, squirting blue cleaner into the bowl and swirling.

“Heaven. There’s deep blue sky, and light, a ball of it. You dance with it on the clouds.”

There were bubbles in the blue liquid of the bowl. Was that what heaven was like? Angel wondered.

“That’s nice, Leti,” he said, but he was nowhere near ready to let her go.

“Don’t worry, dear. They told me there’s more to do. That I needed to return.” Angel gave his wife one more kiss.

I’m not sure how to tell you this, but your wife’s results came back yesterday. She has ALS. Call to schedule a meeting so we can discuss treatment options.” That’s what the voicemail had said. 

How could he tell her she’d have to go through hell to get back to heaven?

“We’re all finished here. Let me cut the lights.”

“Thanks, my Angel. I know I’ll get my strength back soon.” She blew him a kiss and continued to scrub.

Angel went room to room, reviewing their work. Most of the lights were remote-activated. It was the kind of house he’d imagined him and Leti owning one day. Before the illness. 

He paused to wipe the dust on a petrified sculpture of Adonis, the lad smiled as he reclined away the afternoon on a fallen log, and Angel wondered if he had the strength to watch his wife undergo the same fate. 

© khartless 2022, All Rights Reserved

28 responses to “The Awakening”

  1. This is so heartbreaking and so wonderfully crafted and delivered, K. You write so well. I enjoyed this piece very much. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jeff. Thank you. I have felt the sadness of this story as these characters are loosely based on a dear student of mine. I’m glad you enjoyed this piece, and I really appreciate you reading and commenting on it here. 💜

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re always welcome, K. Ah, I see. Thank you for sharing that with me, and your talent with all of us.💜 Cheers to a beautiful coming week!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, and to plan lessons, then. I may have been putting it off this weekend.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I may, nay, did put off work this weekend too. 😅

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Did get to most of it. A balancing act. Hope your weekend is ending well.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Oh good. A balancing act, indeed. Weekend is ending well, thank you. Hope yours is too.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Jim Wingrove Avatar
    Jim Wingrove

    great ❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jim. I felt a bit exposed writing realistic fiction. So glad you enjoyed it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Jim Wingrove Avatar
        Jim Wingrove

        keep writing…😊😊

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Beautifully written.

    Like

  4. Sad, but it happens.
    My daughter lost a job (cleaning, as it goes) for being ill.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, I didn’t know that. Thank you for reading and connecting to my flash piece. I have hope still.

      Like

      1. It surprised me as a Brit, although I doubt it would surprise you as an American. They fired her for not turning up. She was in hospital.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Not that surprising for that profession, sadly. Terrible to think we treat those who take care of our messes with such little care and consideration.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Somebody’s “value” is based on just one thing – how easy are they to replace? Make yourself invaluable and you’ll earn a fortune, but cleaners are ten a penny.

        Like

  5. Brilliant 🖤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. charmer. 💜

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Always welcome my friend 🖤

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, a heartbreak that even though it’s not mine I’ve felt acutely, and so I hope this piece honors them.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh it’s a true story. 😦 I’m so sorry.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you. It is fictionalized, but there is a true sadness underneath.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Heart wrenching and beautifully written. Disease of any kind is so unfair and unfailing in its choice of victims. Thank you for sharing and blessings on your student.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much, Ami. She has been in my thoughts and I am hopeful her beautiful light will shine for many moons more.

      Like

  7. writingwhatnots Avatar
    writingwhatnots

    Heart-breaking story – it felt very real. A truly devastating disease.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amazingly, I find these lost comments. I’m so sorry, Marion. Ah well, it is the way of time that we will at some point circle back. Thank you for this comment, and I hope all is well with you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No need to apologise, K! Busy times. And, as you say, things have a way of circling back eventually. I’m very well, thank you. Not had time recently to post, or read other posts. Planning to pop in and out when I get the chance. Take care, Marion.x

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