“Monday morning commute is worse than having a panic attack, Doc.”

“How so?”

“Well, my heart rate accelerates onto the freeway, and I have this irrational fear that I will have no control over what lane I end up in.”

“That does sound irrational. Anything else?”

“Well, there’s the excess perspiration at red lights. And my hands tremble when I get caught on an overpass. It’s so bad that the sound of the horn gives me hot flashes.”

“Do you feel the same way on Tuesdays?”

“Am I imagining it, or is the traffic holding its breath? Sky, a tense diaphragm, coughing up clouds until we’re all dizzy.”

“You’re definitely projecting those emotions.”

“Maybe, Doc. But I can’t even say merge or yield without a tightness in my throat. Anxiety is exhaustion.”

“Have you ever considered a carpool? Water imagery is much more relaxing.”


d’Verse Poet’s Pub | Prosery: Twice Shy-144 words with lines from “Twice Shy” by Seamus Heaney ‘Traffic holding its breath, Sky a tense diaphragm’

Artwork: Maksim Dimitrov

Tré Burt – “Traffic Fiction” 

38 responses to “Fit of Travel”

  1. That fella better not drive in Las Vegas!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha! I believe it. I am a total cruiser in traffic. No passing, no problems. Zen the whole way in.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s really nice, K, all I do is change lanes and let the aggressive drives pass me. No high blood pressure!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Good advice. Those autopilot cars might do the trick. 🤣

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh my gosh, say no to autopilot cars! 💀

        Liked by 1 person

      4. 🤣 okay. But I could nap.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Whilst someone else drives.

        Like

  2. I love your story. One really does need a shrink to drive these days. It gets really hectic. The ending is perfect.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Dwight. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Makes me think, just keep swimming, and that’s what intend to do this school year.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ha ha… yes for sure!

        Like

  3. Ha ha. Clever ending. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, worms. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Felt the tension and stress in this one! Nice job with the prompt, and song. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Michele. The one rule of commuting in the DC area is that we don’t talk about commuting in the D.C. area.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Welcome, K. One rule. Less talking, more driving.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Jim Avatar
    Jim

    There comes a time in life when the doc will have your drivers license canceled, in Texas at least. Mrs. Jim’s doctor told her not to drive on the freeways anymore.
    ..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Indeed. They’ll walk over but they’ll limp back (at least that’s what my nana always said). 💜

      Like

  6. Gillena Cox Avatar
    Gillena Cox

    LOL Nice ending with the water humour.

    Much💖love

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Gillena. I will just keep swimming until they open more carpool lanes.

      Like

  7. Love that last line which made me chuckle out loud! A great write!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Carol.

      Like

  8. Well written! Beautiful ending 👌

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Priti. I think I got a little carried away with the quote, but it was a good release from actual commuter anxiety.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ☺️🙏

        Like

  9. I share everything in this…. except for me it would be rage at being trapped. That’s why I changed to bicycle commuting.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, I miss cycling for my commute. I was able to do that in Germany. But here, it’s just too far. I hope wherever I’m headed next, I can get back to my bicycle-commuting.

      Like

  10. I love that line, ‘anxiety is exhaustion’, and the nervous tension in the patter —

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, John. Anxiety sure has me on empty this week. I appreciate your comments.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. It’s not often we get a story written in dialogue and this one had me hanging on every word! I do not miss the Monday morning commute. The final line made me chuckle.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Kim. It didn’t start as dialogue, but it felt so impersonal in description. I appreciate your comments. For me, it’s my tunes, learning a new language, and just riding the commuter wave. I will be glad when I can ride this one home for the last time.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Excellent writing…you drew me into the anxiety and then relieved it with punchline!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Lynn. I do keep myself amused on my own commute, but it still feel likes time that I could be writing or doing something more pleasurable.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. An intense & very clever piece of writing. I love the way you tackled the prompt, very original. An interesting story, thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Miriam. I remind myself I’m not the only person puttering along on a commute. Thank goodness I have my tunes to keep me company.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thank you. I enjoyed extending the given lines as far as I could stretch them with 144 words.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I enjoyed the clever dialogue and the direction you went.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. 😁

      Like

  15. What a super clever last line! Car. pool. Love it!

    Like

Leave a comment

Trending