Mud Lingers

If you sense this piece has a different vibe, that’s because it does. It’s inspired by my mother who survived a flood when she was a young girl, amongst other things. Even though she inspired this verse, I think it really says a lot more about me.

Mud Lingers

The flood that happened years ago
is creeping memory’s stairs.
Trapped on the second floor,
I practice holding my breath
’cause I’m not going anywhere.

Rooftop says it’s raining on,
the rising river smells.
Father takes his belt off,
gouges a fresh hole
to tie me to the rails.

Landslides tore the valley,
gutted hill and holler.
Now when it pours
insecurity swirls;
I’m frightened of high waters.

The faucet’s icy spray
drenches my wrinkled fingers.
The rain is gone;
the past is drowned,
but the mud lingers.

28 responses to “Mud Lingers”

Tom

A haunting and powerful piece about how lingering trauma still sinks its claws deep. Beautifully written, K! 🙂

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1. K.Hartless
  
  Yes, I remember the stories of the flood and this photo in a book of my mother biting her nails on a rooftop, which has always stayed with me, even once removed from it. Thank you for this thoughtful and punny response. Much appreciated and needed.
  
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abigfatcanofworms

This is wonderful, K! So haunting and in the moment. I really got a sense of how terrifying it must have been.

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1. K.Hartless
  
  Thank you, Worms. I know it had a lasting impact. My son dreams of flooding as well and worries the house will fill with water. Can we pass these things subconsciously, I wonder?
  
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  1. abigfatcanofworms
    
    I have heard of such things – inherited trauma.
    
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johnlmalone

dramatic photos, haunting verse and that last line that lingers —

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1. K.Hartless
  
  Thank you, John. It’s eerie how trauma is never fully gone, but can rush over us if triggered.
  
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  1. johnlmalone
    
    so very true: I can vouch for that —
    
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Ron.

My mother lost both parents and a sister in a flood shortly after I was born (I’m almost 72). She still had freakouts whenever the weather got wild, right up until she passed.

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1. K.Hartless
  
  How tragic, Ron. Sorry for your loss and hers. I think trauma definitely stains us in a way that is not able to be cleaned off.
  
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VJ

Wow! What a nightmare.

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1. K.Hartless
  
  Yes. My son now dreams of rising waters. He wakes and wants me to check the faucets. I that that fear he had may have trigged me to write about this.
  
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  1. VJ
    
    That kind of traumatic fear is hard to shake. I lost 5 family members to fire when I was a kid and remember having nightmares about fire for years.
    
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John

I am glad that your mother survived the flood, K!

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1. K.Hartless
  
  Thank you, John. So am I. She’s been able to spread a lot of sunshine since then to many people.
  
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  1. John
    
    ☺️😃
    
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Jeff Flesch

This beautiful write reminds me of trauma that persists inside of our deep programming, and how this trauma is passed down, knowingly and unknowingly, by those most influential to us during our childhood. A hauntingly powerful write, K.

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1. K.Hartless
  
  Wow, I think you really get me with this one. I see it in my son, this fear of water, and the inherent knowledge that it is powerful and dangerous. I appreciate you connecting with my poem. Very much so.
  
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  1. Jeff Flesch
    
    I think I get it too, and see similar patterns in my boys. It’s always my complete pleasure.
    
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Artist/Poet_JayMoraShihadeh

Powerful words from a tragic event

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1. K.Hartless
  
  Thank you. This sort of tragedy is never really past.
  
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sandyroybessandbugzy

Ah, the detail of your Dad working with the leather of the belt to keep you safe. Terrifying nature at its worst. A memory of a time that is part of you so well shared. Thank you.

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1. K.Hartless
  
  I appreciate your comments. Yes, I remember reading this book about the flood many times as a little girl and the picture of my mother in it. Haunting truly. Thank you.
  
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Simon

That mud never goes away… it sticks.

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1. K.Hartless
  
  I can see that now wallowing in it all. Ty for connecting, Simon.
  
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  1. Simon
    
    Always a pleasure… I hope you’re keeping well 🙂
    
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Photography314

Great post. Powerful in many ways.

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1. K.Hartless
  
  Thank you. It’s a ghost memory, I suppose. Im sure you see it. 💜
  
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