An Unopened Eye

From the window I watch waves like the ones you’d see on an angry lake swell and overtake a stop sign. Squirrels scurry to a higher branch, but when their bark breaks, the passengers sink quickly below the muddy surface.

A knock on the door interrupts the rising moan. Through the peephole, a wet rucksack beside a familiar face.

“What you want?” I shout, and then add, “I got nothing.” My neighbor tells me he needs shelter, a place to stay, and I contemplate letting him in, but with the long darkness ahead, I’m too afraid to unlatch the door.

He leaves when the first muddy stream seeps into the hallway leaking into my apartment. I try to push it back with the broom. I won’t stand up against Katrina, so I pray to God that she may lie forever with an unopened eye.

d’Verse Poet’s Pub | Prosery Forever with unopened eye

144 words to include Edgar Allen Poe’s “I pray to go that she may life/forever with an unopened eye” taken from “The Sleeper.”

Cover Art: Eye of the storm by Maria Arango

Brandi Carlile “The Eye”

26 responses to “An Unopened Eye”

msjadeli

I could feel the fear and the anxiety. May it never come to pass for you in non-fiction.

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1. Katie Frances Hartless
  
  Thank you so much, Lisa. I have been in a pretty severe hurricane, actually, but not Katrina. I wouldn’t wish it on anybody.
  
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  1. msjadeli
    
    You’re very welcome. I’ve been in bad windstorms and those are bad enough. Can’t imagine a hurricane 😦
    
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rothpoetry

A very creative approach to the prompt. Love the end twist!

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1. Katie Frances Hartless
  
  Thank you, Dwight. I really appreciate your comment. I tried to hold back to get that twist in.
  
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  1. rothpoetry
    
    It worked very well!
    
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johnlmalone

I love the drama in this; the disintegrating landscape: I assume it’s Hurricane Karina you’re writing about ?

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1. Katie Frances Hartless
  
  Yes, indeed. I’m very glad that theme came across. I wanted it there, but not in your face. I appreciate your kind comments, John.
  
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Melissa Lemay

It didn’t cross my mind to write about the eye of the storm. What a good idea! And you pull it off really well, giving little bits and building anticipation to the end.

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1. Katie Frances Hartless
  
  Thank you ever so much, Lisa. I’m glad it kept you guessing.
  
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kim881

I love your take on the prompt line, Katie. I would never have thought of the eye of a storm. I especially enjoyed the description in the opening paragraph, so realistic, and then the terror when the ‘first muddy stream seeps into the hallway’.

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1. Katie Frances Hartless
  
  Thank you so much for this kind feedback, Kim. I thought of the storm right away with the one eye, and I tried my best to capture a frightening flash.
  
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  1. kim881
    
    My pleasure, Katie.
    
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Debi

Eye of the hurricane – great idea. Your story began like an apocalyptic sci-fi. Really nice.

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1. Katie Frances Hartless
  
  Thank you so much, Debi. I’m so glad that first line caught your imagination. It certainly was post-apocalyptic sort of stuff.
  
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  1. Debi
    
    Scary
    
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merrildsmith

Such a unique take! I could feel the fear.

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1. Katie Frances Hartless
  
  Thanks, Merril. Hurricanes can be quite ferocious, so I’m glad this piece captured just a bit of the terror.
  
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  1. merrildsmith
    
    You’re welcome! We’ve had some scary storms here in NJ–and I had relatives in Miami who experienced some ferocious hurricanes.
    
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Björn Rudberg (brudberg)

And you may wonder if the neighbor was better off in the end if he left for higher ground,

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1. Katie Frances Hartless
  
  Yes. I do wonder if the man could survive long enough for a rescue or perhaps another neighbor’s door became safe harbor. Thanks, Björn.
  
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SelmaMartin

pulsating fear. Eye of the storm. Devastating. How well you did this.

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1. Katie Frances Hartless
  
  Thank you, Selma. The storm I survived was nowhere near the ferocity of Katrina, but I got a glimpse of the one-eyed beast. I appreciate your kind words very much.
  
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Colleen Chesebro

Katie, this felt terrifying! These storms are so horrible now. Great write!

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1. Katie Frances Hartless
  
  They can be quite shocking in their devastation. Thanks, Colleen. I’ve been in the storm but never the eye.
  
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  1. Colleen Chesebro
    
    We’ve been through a hurricane. It’s eerie when you’re under the eye of the storm. It gets silent until the other side of the side of the storm hits. It’s very unnerving.
    
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